I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
