I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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