She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
