i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
