Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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