We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
