I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
