Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
