I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
