Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
