I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
