she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
