I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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