When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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