seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
