I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
