FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
