tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
