I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
