He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
