I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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