i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
