The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sarcasm needs its own font
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
