Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
