There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
