FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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