You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
