We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
