get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
