i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
