is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
