i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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