I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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