Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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