I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
