i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
