Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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