9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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