the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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