A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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