Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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