Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
