update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
