He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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