i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
