She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
