Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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