Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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