i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
