He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
whose parrot is this?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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