Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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