just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
